


Casual Affair

by phlarry



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Abuse, Adultery, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Bottom Louis, Cheating, Domestic Violence, Drunk Sex, Drunkenness, Emotional Manipulation, F/M, Guilt, Homophobia, Implied Sexual Content, Innocent Louis, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Manipulation, Manipulative Harry, Older Harry, Sad Harry, Self-Hatred, Sexual Content, Sexuality Crisis, Smut, Top Harry, Triggers, but also sad, duesh harry, forgiving louis, guilty sex, it's really heavy, like really dumb, ngl harry is super dumb in this, no more it'll spoil it, please be careful if you read this, trigger warning
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-03-19
Updated: 2016-03-19
Packaged: 2018-05-27 14:03:29
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,194
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6287476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phlarry/pseuds/phlarry
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Louis, let go."</p><p>"But- No, Harry."</p><p>Louis stumbled and fell to the ground as Harry shoved him off, shrugging his jacket on.</p><p>"No, Harry! I promise, I forgive you. She doesn't matter! Please, just don't...don't leave me."</p><p>"It's not leaving if I was never really here."</p>
            </blockquote>





	Casual Affair

**Author's Note:**

> Okay, so this is extremely triggering. Not going to lie, it's very depressing and confusing. There are some majorly important themes in this story that should NOT be ignored. There is domestic and alcohol abuse. There is manipulation and lying and cheating. I do not condone or support anything that happens in this book. Abuse is not okay. There is major character death and, in order to avoid spoilers, I have not tagged how. Please be careful if you are triggered by any of these things. 
> 
> Expect longer chapters on an unregulated schedule, the first chapter is short and is more of an introduction.
> 
> A darker take on "Casual Affair" by Panic! at the Disco.

*Stay for as long as you have time  
So the mess that we'll become  
Leaves something to talk about*

 

The sun isn’t streaming through the large crescent shaped window above his bed when he wakes up. In fact, there is no window above his bed, or whoever’s bed this is. He’s in a dingy motel room, arm wrapped around a waist and clothes on the floor. He has absolutely no idea how they ended up here, but decides to ignore it and settle back into the scratchy pillows. He lovingly strokes Aya’s soft curves, long fingers trailing down her side in a soothing manner.

He runs his other hand through her short brown hair, unknotting it as he goes. He prefers her hair to be silky and soft like a child’s new stuffed animal, not ratted and teased. He admires the delicate hands of his wife resting on the off-white sheets. He’s about to get up to find his phone in the mess on the floor when he notices a decidedly naked ring finger on her left hand. He stares at it, confused. Neither of them had taken their wedding rings off since their marriage a year and a half ago. When he pulls away, the body laid face down on his chest tumbles backwards onto the mattress. He almost fools himself into thinking it’s Aya, before seeing the little differences.

The face’s eyelashes are free of product, instead of being coated in mascara. There are little freckles dotting across sharp cheekbones and a scar on the left temple, obviously not the flawless skin of Aya. The hair is almost exactly the same, only a shade lighter and a touch straighter than Aya’s soft curls. His gaze travels downwards to where the person’s chest is on display, the duvet having slipped down during the night. Their is a distinctly missing pair of breasts, replaced by a smattering of light chest hair and a loopy tattoo across sharp collar bones. All in all, the body that Harry had woken up next to was not his wife. Wasn’t even a woman, as far as he could tell.

He had slept with the spitting image of his wife in the form of a boy who couldn’t be older than twenty two.

Before he was able to gather his clothing and make a dash for the door, the figure on the bed was shifting and groaning awake, small hands pressing against the headboard as they stretched their curvy body. The elder stood stock still and the younger roused, sitting up and wiping the sleep out of their eyes adorably. Well, not adorably. He was married, and straight.

 

*Take any moment, any time  
A lover on the left  
A sinner on the right*

 

“ ‘arry? Wher’re you goin?” His speech was slurred by sleep. Sharp blue irises fell on Harry, making him shiver at their vividness.

“Um..I’m terribly sorry, but I don’t remember much of last night.”

The boy seems to be a tad hurt by this announcement, but smiles and looks down at his lap.

“Oh, m’Louis. We, uh, we kinda had se-”

“Yeah, no, I got that part. My question is why?” Harry doesn’t mean for it to sound condescending but it does, and besides, he barely knows this boy so he doesn’t think the situation calls for polite small talk.

“You, uh, came into the bar I work at and started flirting with me, we ended up here. It shouldn’t be hard to fill the rest in," Louis says slowly. He seems to be out of place in the dirty motel, his gentle skin to fragile for such harsh fabric. Harry wants to give this boy all the silk sheets in the world if it would make him comfortable. But he won't, because he's married. Louis looks vaguely subdued, like something had torn away his sense of self and replaced it with something much softer. Harry can't help but inwardly praise the glossy sheen to Louis eyes; it made the boy look like he had been well and truly fucked. 

He's so busy admiring Louis that he doesn't reply for a while, and when he does it's with a remarkably unspectacular, "Oh." 

Harry is hit by the sudden realization of what he’s done. The knowledge hits him so suddenly he falls to the bed, bouncing slightly from the momentum. He can’t believe what he’s done to Aya. Can’t believe he woke up in bed with a boy instead of his loving and gorgeous wife who he’s madly in love with. He wants to yell for forgiveness until his lungs burst, wants to curse at Louis and blame him for the event. He wants to say he’s happily married to a lovely woman and couldn’t care less about Louis, but Louis looks so crumpled and sweet sitting criss cross on the bed, staring up at Harry, looking so damn innocent. Harry wants to tell Louis that he's sorry it happened, wants to say that Louis is lovely but Harry is married and straight, wants to put the idea that he cares out of Louis' head. “Louis, fuck, I’m such an idiot. I'm so sorry,” is what he says instead, covering his face with his hands. Louis lies down next to him, arm across his stomach and head on his chest. It’s slightly too intimate for a one night stand, but Harry finds himself not minding much.

“It’s okay, y’know. You aren’t an idiot,” Louis starts. Yes I am, Harry begins to think. “and you have nothing to apologize for. I'm pretty sure everyone has drunk sex. Just calm down. You can stay here for a while, if you want. If you'd rather that then go back to whatever made you want to get drunk out of your mind. I wouldn’t mind. I know it isn't the nicest place, but there's a kitchen and living room down the hall, and a bathroom over there,” he points to a door with rusting hinges, "I wouldn't mind getting to know you better, either.

And Harry knows he shouldn't indulge the boy's fantasies of an attractive older man wanting to date him, but something about how Louis' tiny feet are still clad in fuzzy pink socks despite his otherwise nudity draws Harry in like a vice. So Harry stays. He rests with a boy on his chest for the first time ever, promising himself that he'll call off whatever this is before it festers. He isn't even gay, it would be horrible to raise this boy's hopes. Guilt and dread for when he sees Aya again fill his stomach. She would be so angry if she knew he was gay, not that he is. Louis drifts off to sleep once again, so Harry simmers quietly and drags a hand through his own unruly curls. He finds himself not truly regretting the night before, and shoves all his problems to the back of his mind, deciding to bask in the warmth of Louis’ tender skin instead.

He can't help but picture Aya when he looks down at Louis.

 

*Lay in the atmosphere  
A casual affair  
Lay in the atmosphere  
A casual affair*


End file.
